Are your children more important than your spouse?

I was reading an article the other day in the news. I am generally not interested 'gossip' news but I was very interested to see what was the said 'cause' behind the failed marriage of Kieren and Sam Perkins. Kieren Perkins told Sydney’s The Daily Telegraph newspaper. “Sam and I, right from the start, were always very committed to making sure that the kids came first.”


I am not making any specific judgement calls on the situation at all. I obviously do not even personally know these people. What caught my attention though was Kieren's statement about the kids. At first glance, this seems like a very honorable and noble statement. But is it? How many of us make a commitment to one another as husband and wife on our wedding day, declaring that we will put each other first (or second only to God)? I would hope all of us. What then happens after a few years when some of us start having kids? Kids take a lot of time and effort! With 6 and 4 year old sons and a 2 year old daughter, we seem to constantly be at their beck and call. How many of us indirectly beginning putting our children first, before our spouse, during this demanding time of life? Is it good and healthy to put the children before our spouse? Is it because we put our kids first and our marital relationship second (or lower) that is a possible cause of broken marriages? If we were as committed to the happiness and well-being of our spouses as much as we were to our kids, would we have so many broken marriages today? Why does it seem like walking away from a spouse is an option yet walking away from a child is not? Don't get me wrong, there are certainly people that need to leave abusive and destructive marriages. What I am talking about though is the majority of marriages. Most marriages seem to end these days due to 'irreconcilable differences'. What on earth does that really mean? How often does it seem we have irreconcilable differences with our kids? Almost everyday?

From personal experience and from what I have learnt from the Bible, I believe that our most important relationship should be with God, then our spouse and then our children. Do you agree? It personally seems ironic to me that by putting our kids first to give them what we think they need actually creates more insecurity in the family and a higher risk for a broken marriage.

I wonder if Kieren and Sam put their personal relationship and marriage before their children if they would have better served their children by having a healthy marriage and a secure family environment. Maybe it was more than that but maybe that would have been enough to build a strong foundation. Now, like half of families in today's society, they have to make the best of a very difficult situation. What a devestating result for both themselves and their children to have to go through.

Our marriage is not perfect by any means but we work hard to make sure we get time together. We try and have a few date nights a month as well as time together each day. We don't want to forget who we are and why we committed to live our lives together on this earth. We want our kids to know that while they are so important to us, they do not come before our spouse. It is our hope that this practice will create a family environment that will give them security and stability. We want to set an example so that one day when they get married, their relationship with their spouse will be the most important earthly relationship they have.